My story in faith includes many of the typical facets of discovery, rebellion, apathy, obedience, courage and doubt. I do not downplay any of these moments – for they are deeply rooted in the trials and explorations of a rich relationship with God. Yet these glimpses do not capture the magnitude of the greater calling of my heart.
Over the years I have discovered the most confusing thing about being a Christian is the way we try to manage the person of Christ in day-to-day, week-to-week realities. To many, he is a story or someone to think about for a few hours a week. Often he is someone who embodies the guilt trips and voices that clamour – “why don’t you pray more?” or “why don’t you give more money away?”
I have found in both study and in experience that the story of Christ is more than a category to be filed into our emotional file cabinet. Or another way of looking at it – he isn’t given a corner of my room, (like Buddy sitting awkwardly in Walter Hobbs’ office). He is not a roommate to divvy up space with – he is the Sovereign and Supreme ruler of all things. He is Judge, He is Beginning and End. He is everlasting. He is love. He is Lord.
This became clear to me when Brennan Manning quoted Dorothy Sayers in Lion and Lamb: The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus. Sayers wrote:
The people who hanged Christ never, to do them justice, accused him of being a bore – on the contrary, they thought him too dynamic to be safe. It has been left for later generations to muffle up that shattering personality and surround him with an atmosphere of tedium. We have very efficiently pared the claws of the Lion of Judah, certified him ‘meek and mile,’ and recommended him as a fitting household pet for pale curates and pious old ladies.
The stunning realization of my ridiculous attempt to “pare the claws of the Lion” floored me. It is as though a stony heart within me begins to cry out. One cannot make declarations of Lordship without yielding every part of yourself to Christ. And yet we try. Many make it through an entire lifetime thinking that we gave God “enough”. But is that the calling into spiritual adoption? Is that what the faithful live for? Is that what I want to live for?
I am not saying this has been fully implemented in my spiritual life. I am saying this is my daily endeavor: to give God everything. To live fully for his glory and fame. To belong to the Spirit’s ebb and flow while being used as a weapon to pierce the darkness however he sees fit.
Not Just a Corner 